Dear Abby: He said ‘I love you’ first, now what?
Dear Abby I just now reconnected with a woman I dated briefly in the s and haven t seen since She s around my age We both were married one year apart had daughters one year apart and got divorced after -year marriages She spotted me on a social media site and suggested I call her to catch up on things which I did This led to an invitation to meet for a bite to eat and more talk which I gladly accepted We live two hours apart and I drove to her home to meet her We had a great day and evening and as I was leaving I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek whereupon she planted one on me I wasn t expecting it but it was awesome I felt like a school kid with a crush I had forgotten that feelings like this were even manageable We have spent every weekend together since that meeting last month I have a special place in my heart for her even from so long ago My challenge I noted the L-word way too soon I needed to rectify my misstep and explained it was intended to represent caring and affection as opposed to being romantically in love with her which for me is an ongoing more protracted process majority of the time I narrated her I have no expectation of her reciprocating and I just yearned her to know that I care for her and unfailingly have I know a few women and maybe men shudder at hearing these words too soon in a relationship she may be one of them Anything else I can do to lessen her trepidation as we progress Is there any recommended time frame for appropriately professing one s romantic love Former Ex in Texas Dear Former Ex I wish you had mentioned how this woman reacted when the word love escaped your lips Did she smile Cringe Remain silent There is no timetable for expressing love The time to use the word is when one feels it Sometimes the feeling lasts sometimes it doesn t From now on take your cues from her If what you noted made her uncomfortable you would already know Let your relationship progress at its own rate and resist the urge to force it Dear Abby I live with a man I admire very much We bought our first home when we were We had two children together and also raised my sister We both work and want for nothing The predicament He s an alcoholic He never gets loud or mean he just quietly goes to sleep From the outside he looks like the greatest guy But Abby I am so lonely that I cry sometimes He s asleep by or p m on the weekends We hardly ever go out We are both all the kids have moved out and we should be having fun I want to passage dance and hike He s happy getting drunk in the garage Help Lonesome Out West Dear Lonesome Have you talked with him to see which issues have driven him to live this way Nowhere in your letter did you indicate that you are veritably married to this man Life isn t a dress rehearsal and you have paid your dues If your dream is to dance and hike get out there and do it Because Rip Van Winkle is passed out it won t be like you re neglecting him and he won t miss you Because you want to tour arrange to do it with friends And since you didn t indicate that you re planning to end your relationship consider attending Al-Anon meetings al-anon org info so you can find patronage and the strength to begin living your life the way you want which is what he has been doing Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA
